Weekend 110909

09Nov09

I had an amazing weekend just being with God and people who also love God. It just makes me love Jesus even more. The thing is though, I still have issues sharing with other people in groups. I just feel like crying every time, so I try to back it off a bit. I guess I’m most comfortable sharing in groups of three at the most.

After getting back my camera broke and my mom was being very difficult, and all this just made me deeply sad. I couldn’t help it. It may seem like nothing, but it hurts in ways that I cannot stop. The camera thing is okay, I just can’t take pictures with subjects in far distances since the part where I can focus is broken. I might go to the camera shop later this week. I guess with my mom yelling at me as usual, and it being one of the few things she says to me, just made me snap. I would not be treated this way without being upset. It takes a real effort to stay calm and I was very tired. I simply didn’t have the energy.

I made a promise to God that I would read the bible everyday, because it’s hard for me to take the time to do that. I keep forgetting so I have been breaking that promise. I decided that I would start with a verse or a chapter of Mathew first and then gradually increase the amount. I hope someone can keep me accountable for that, but I haven’t told anybody yet. I have been relying too much on music to help me feel better, I guess…but I still think of God and what he wants to speak to me whenever I do.

agh! i have a test in korean tomorrow and I haven’t studied. I better get going on that…

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Another day…

24Oct09

I’ve been listening to the soundtrack of this rather strange and almost perverted movie… but I haven’t seen it yet because it just came out. But I really like the director and the only thing that would tone down the pervert factor of the movie would be the acting and the meaning behind of the movie. It’s quite interesting actually. Ah! i forgot to say what movie… it’s called Air Doll by Hirokazu kore-eda. I loved the movie Nobody Knows, which is also by Hirokazu Koreeda. The soundtrack is composed by World’s End Girlfriend. Really cool music. My favorite is 光を映す影. It’s really easy to get the soundtrack online, which is somewhat unfortunate… but it’s really hard to buy it or find it at a regular store. You can’t even find the soundtrack on youtube, and I don’t want to risk my account to post it on youtube.

I really want a Diana F+, the instant back, the 35 mm back, and also a ring flash. It would be so cool to have a ring flash! I might get a ring flash before getting a  Diana F+… hopefully I can find one on sale at urban or some camera store because at the moment I’m somewhat banned from online shopping.

I just had a midterm in art history and I feel like I should have gotten more sleep. And a couple hours after the test I realized i misunderstood the last question, which consisted of many points. I hope I can study better in the future and perhaps do better on future tests. After this horrible test day, I don’t think I would really want to pursue Art history as a major. I really enjoyed Japanese art history, but western art history just didn’t do it for me for reason. I used to love Egyptian and Greek/Roman mythology. I still do. It’s so strange. Oh well…but I would really like to minor in Korean Studies. That would be cool… but what would I major in? English? I have no idea anymore.

Anyways, here’s another poem I wrote the other day….

untitled

strange creatures passed me by today
rising up from the depths of the earth
rather unexpectedly, as if they have been living
below the earthly seas beneath us,
full of frothy foam and flowers.

Where have you been all of my life?
Have you been hiding beneath the leaves,
yellow leaves that blink black spots
under an umbrella of green and brown?
or perhaps a nice shade of orange and red?

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Weekend

17Oct09

I wrote this the day before school started…

This strange mixture of dread, excitement and hope comes bumbling forth, coming up from my throat like Artemis rising from Zeus’ head, charging into life full grown and in costume. Dun dun dun! Yep, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day and I’m feeling good. But then I realize how quiet my house is and I know that I am utterly alone. Everyone is sleeping and it’s 5:10 pm. I never knew that I missed being with my friends this much. I tell myself, God is with me and that should be more than enough. The grey cloudy heavens do not help my mood. I used to love the cold weather, the musty winds of the northwest. I always was content in being alone. I need my alone time, and yet too much alone time can get quite lonely. Especially when the only person I talked to today was for 10 minutes. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending more and more time with people and before I was just used to being alone for long periods of time because it was normal.

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Bright Star Review

11Oct09

I am so unmotivated to do work right now. I feel a little sad again, but mostly lonely. I don’t even know why because I just saw so many people whom I love for the last couple days.

I recently saw Bright Star on Friday, and as I look back on what I thought of it; it was a disappointment. I love movies with beautiful soundtrack, but most of Bright Star didn’t have a distinct sound to it except for a couple songs. The trailer enticed me and got me all worked up for the movie. It was as if the trailer was the whole movie, except really short, but they cut out the ending. I was surprised by the humor that was in the movie. I believe the trailer affected me more than the movie did. I have seen Jane Campion’s The Piano, and I feel like there was much more at stake in that movie even though I was turned off by the nudity and sex.

Bright Star was a beautiful movie and was quite lovely, but it lacked depth. Despite the lovely cinematography, which was complimented with the beautiful landscape, flowers, and costumes, the story itself was not believable. In many ways, I did not like the actress’s acting, which was sometimes due to the script. It was uncomfortable rather than sad while watching the character Fanny Brawne cry after finding out John Keats was leaving, and I felt annoyed with the character as she gradually became obsessed with him, especially the part where she says “When I don’t hear from him, it’s as if I died, as if the air has been sucked out from my lungs.” It was strange watching the actors play the romantic leads because the actor who played Keats looked very skinny compared to the actress. I think the actress just has a larger bone structure, but it was strange to see.

I am considering buying the dvd because of the beautiful cinematography and the wonderful poetry that is sprinkled throughout the movie. The parts that I did enjoy and appreciate were sometimes the more quiet ones, where the actors did not talk at all. The scenes where Fanny Brawne reads Keats’ letters, when Keats is by himself writing poetry, the jealous scene between Keats, Brawne, and Brown, and also when Keats leans toward the wall, knocks, and Brawne leans in on the other side. The only believable and sad scene was toward the end where Brawne finds out about Keats’ death. The ending was the only totally continuous part that was believable and the only part where I almost cried.

This movie was beautiful but it was a bit too slow for me and the actions of the character’s romance seemed too fast and unbelievable because there weren’t that many scenes of them doing anything except bemoaning their separation, Keats’ sickness, and their strange relationship with Brown. I believe that there should have been more conflict, perhaps something more darker involved in which they would endeavor to fight.

When I heard the song “Our Love is Easy” sung by Melody Gardot, I immediately thought of Bright Star. I love that song. The beginning of that song reminds me of the song Adagio from the 2046 soundtrack.

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Blackbird Fly roll 1

06Oct09

I finally developed my first roll of film yesterday from my blackbird fly camera and was impressed with the results, considering that I didn’t really pay attention and just shot whatever, whenever. i realized that the images turned out best when it was really sunny which was somewhat obvious since I didn’t have a flash. duh. but still… i wanted to try it out in different lighting. I’m definitely going to try to take more pictures in the future, paying more attention to the subject matter and the lighting this time so I won’t waste film. Here’s a couple samples.

I realized after developing the photos that the camera gives a vignetting kind of effect. And it was really sunny that day, so I really liked the color tone the camera gave the photo.

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